


It's Not What You Lost, It's What You'll Find

by bitchywitchy



Series: Of cute ghost boys and a girl with an angel's voice [3]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, F/M, First Kiss, Ghosts, Jealousy, Light Angst, Pining, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:47:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26852416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitchywitchy/pseuds/bitchywitchy
Summary: 5 times Luke Realized he wouldn’t ever be enough for Julie+the 1 time he realized he was.OrLuke is an angsty ghost with many many feelings.
Relationships: Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Series: Of cute ghost boys and a girl with an angel's voice [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1942507
Comments: 12
Kudos: 363





	It's Not What You Lost, It's What You'll Find

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm a sucker for this trope so pls let me have this. Also, I'm trying a new writing style, let me know what y'all think!

1\. 

The first time Luke realized he wasn’t enough for Julie was the first time he heard her sing. 

Her voice was the first thing that made him think that maybe being a ghost would be okay, as long as he got to hear her voice every day. 

It was stunning. 

It was everything his voice wasn’t. 

It was beautiful

And most importantly, alive. 

And it made him realize that he would always be the one supporting her. And for this first time in his musical career, he was okay with being the support. In fact, he would give everything to be her support. 

But, he realized he couldn’t. 

He would never be able to perform with her because he was a fucking ghost. 

(Just his luck.)

But honestly, he thinks he’d be content to just listen to her voice together. 

(He can imagine a life with her, and-woah that’s way too soon to start thinking about that.)

At that moment, all he wishes is that he meet her while he was still alive. He wishes he could be alive for her. 

(How could she be happy sharing her life with someone only she could see? She doesn’t deserve that. She deserves someone who she could show off, who could brag about her when she isn’t there. She deserves a life with someone who’s alive.)

Then she finishes her song. And he sees how much she loves music. 

(Why would she lie about not being a musician? The whole world deserved to know how talented she is and all he wants is for other people to hear him so he can scream from the rooftops how wonderful she is.) 

But then Alex makes them poof out. And he hates the fact that he can’t hug her. Can’t tell her that she’s beautiful, her voice is magical, can’t tell her that he would do anything to make sure she’s never hurt again. 

He fucking hates being dead. 

2\. 

The second time he realized he wasn’t enough for her was after they abandoned her during her school dance. 

“Seriously? You’re lying to me?” Julie says after they give shitty reasons why they weren’t there for her. 

And ouch. It’s not just the fact that he’s dead that means that he’s not good enough for her, it’s the fact that he always fucks up the good things in his life. 

He can’t hurt her like he’s hurt everyone else. 

But, Julie isn’t done. “And all three of you knew what I’ve been through, and how tough it’s been for me to play, and then you do this? Bands don’t do that to each other. Friends don’t do that to each other.” 

Luke knows that she saying this to hurt him, but that doesn’t lessen the sting of her words. 

(Why can’t he be good? Why does he always have to ruin the things he cares about.)

It sucks to realize that the reason that you can’t be enough for the girl of your dreams isn’t that you’re dead, it’s that you’re a shitty person. 

He decides to apologize-alone- he hopes that it’s enough. 

(Enough in all the ways he isn’t)

3.

The third time was when he saw her with Nick. 

He’d gone to Julie’s high school, high on the fact that she forgave them, trying to get her to skip school to practice with him.

But then _he’d_ showed up. All blonde and popular and _alive._

And it hurts because he sees how well they could fit together.

How _Nick_ could tell other people about how beautiful and talented she is. How he could touch her casually, he could do everything Luke would die-again-to do. 

And Nick doesn’t even realize how good he has it. Because why would he? It’s not like he’s dead and drowning in his regrets. 

But. 

That’s not even the worst part.

What hurts the most is seeing how Julie gets around him. 

She’s blushing. 

And!

She’s twirling her hair around her finger! (Literally the #1 move in the Fliting 101 handbook!)

And he realizes that she likes him. Like, _likes_ -likes him. 

Which ouch. 

And then he realizes that she’ll never act like that around him. 

Because he’s dead. So what’s the point of flirting with something that can’t even do anything about? 

(And he doesn’t mention this to anyone, but when he’s not performing with her, he only thinks of himself as a some _thing,_ not a some _one._ She gives him life, literally, and he can’t give her anything but stress. Hell, he can’t even show up for all the performances he promises to.)

And at that moment, all he wishes is that he was visible and tangible. That he could wrap his arm around Julie and say ‘sup to Nick, and let her whole school know that they belong to each other. 

(He just wants to belong to someone again.)

He wants everyone to know that this brilliant girl is his. That she chooses him. That she sees something in him worth believing in. 

And then she’s telling him to go away, so he does. 

(He’ll do whatever she asks, even when it breaks his heart.)

And as he poofs away, he realizes he’ll always belong to her, but he has no idea if he’ll ever be enough to deserve her. 

4.

The fourth time is when she showed his parents Unsaid Emily. 

She does the one thing he could never do, tell his parents how much he loved them. _Loves_ them. 

(Because even though he might be dead, he refuses to let his love die.)

And she cries for him. 

Not out of pity, (which he knows a little too much about), but compassion and it’s beautiful. 

So he does the only thing he can do when he gets overwhelmed with emotion. 

He sings. 

He sings the song he wrote for his mother. 

(But lately, it’s come to represent every “I love you” that he can’t say to Julie.)

He’s always had this problem. He doesn’t want to burden other people with his feelings, so he buries them and releases them in songs that he’ll never perform. 

He’s scared that if people knew how much they meant to him, they’d be disgusted and leave. So eventually it became easier to never let people know how much they mean to you. (He doesn’t even know if Alex and Reggie know much they mean to him. And he wants so desperately to tell them, but he’s scared they’ll leave him and he’ll be truly alone. Which is maybe how he was always destined to live.)

However, as he sings the song he never meant to perform, he lets that go. He sings every emotion he’s ever buried, he sings with all the love he never got to show his parents, he sings with the all the regrets that threaten to drown him. 

And then he’s done. He doesn’t want to see her reaction. So he poofs. (Like a coward.) He’s sure she’s going to leave because know she knows what a shitty person he was. _Is._

But she doesn’t. 

And that’s even more proof that she’s too good for him. 

(He wishes his soul was his own so he could pledge it to her. She could do whatever she wants with his soul and he wouldn’t care. She’d certainly put it to better use than he ever did.) 

5.

The fifth time is when she saves them

She _saves_ them. 

He can touch her. 

They can all touch her. 

And she’s so warm and soft and everything he didn’t realize he was missing. 

She _saved_ them. 

And that’s why he’ll never be enough for her. 

How can he ever be good enough for the girl who gave him everything he never thought he’d be able to experience again? 

Why would be corporal change anything? It’s not like that erased all the things about him that made him unworthy of her. Sure, he can touch her, but what else could he possibly give her? 

And it almost hurts more. Because he’s _almost_ enough for her. But he’ll never be enough. Because she deserves someone who’s fully alive for her. She deserves someone who shines with life, someone who can make her brighter, not dim her spark with ghost shit. 

But, he’s always been a little selfish. 

So, he’ll take full advantage of her touch, of her warmth, of her softness, to pretend that she’s his, even if it’s only for the night. 

And as they go to bed in their band cuddle pile, he’s never felt more alive. 

(+1)

He realizes he’s enough for Julie when she kisses him. 

Because she chooses him. _Him._ And really, who’s he to argue with her? 

It’s scary at first. But scary in the way that playing a new venue is scary. It’s scary because of how new and excited you are, and because of how desperately you’re praying that you won’t fuck up. 

He takes it back. It’s exactly like playing a new venue. He really, really, really, hopes he doesn’t fuck up. 

And suddenly she’s grabbing the back of his neck and they’re kissing. And sure, it’s a little awkward at first. 

But then something shifts and it’s perfect. It’s Julie. And he realizes that she believes he’s enough for her. And that’s all that really matters.

He loves her. 

And he thinks she might love him. 

(He loves her all the more for it.)

And then the angle of this kiss deepens and he doesn’t think about anything else.

**Author's Note:**

> Tbh this might be the end of this series, just bc I don't know what else to write in this universe. If you have any suggestions, please comment them!


End file.
